Dealing with the Pain of Loss (acknowledging)

I came across a really amazing blog post by Help Guide the other day, that really made me take a step back and think about some of the things that are happening right now in a new light as we continue to experience uncertainty in our daily lives.  Those of you who know me personally, or those of you who watch my Monday live streams weekly, may know that I’m the kind of person who tends to always (no matter the situation) say that everything is okay. Always ok, always positive, always upbeat. Elena Yordán is the kind of person who consistently keeps her head up, stays motivated, and drives through any wall that stands in her way. 

Dealing with the Pain

I’m not going to lie, this kind of motivation and consistency is extremely burdensome. And honestly, I’m tired of it.  I think that’s why this blog post resonated with me so deeply. Here are the biggest things I got out of it and wanted to share with you all. 

  1. Although the blog is about grieving for something you’ve lost, I’ve really realized that covid has taken many things away from us. Our normal work day, our normal communications with people, our ability to go shopping, meet others, preform business the way we usually do. And it’s been really rough. I’ve kept a happy face on for a long time, but this article made me realize that it’s ok to grieve. It’s ok to acknowledge your grief. Actually, it’s necessary.

  2. There’s this myth that I didn’t really realize was a myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss. The truth is, feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave face. Showing your true feelings can help them and you. I’ve taken much time to acknowledge my sadness and anger, and it’s helped me move through this time, allowing myself to be vulnerable. 

  3. Not acknowledging your grief and trying to stay strong is like trying to go on a diet while surrounded by your favorite sweet treats every single day. The first few days that you’re surrounded by these foods, you may be strong willed and not eat any of them. But after weeks and weeks of being surrounded, your will power will start to break down and you’ll have to find a way to cope with the frustration you’re feeling. If you don’t, your situation will just start to really stink! Putting aside your grief and not finding a good way to cope with it is just the same. You have to acknowledge it, and move on. 

I’ve also realized that there have been three different types of reactions people have to Covid and the loss that they have experienced due to it:

  1. Those who fight: “I’m not going to wear a mask! This is awful, a breach of freedom! Why did this have to happen now? I hate everyone who caused this!”

  2. Those who fly (or escape): “I’m over this, I’m going to watch Netflix and chill until it’s over.”

  3. Those who freeze: “My life is over, I can’t do anything now that so many things are threatening my every move. I’m just going to stay in my house, wear a mask and gloves 24/7.”

But the reality is, regardless of our current situation and all of the things that have changed, life keeps going and an acknowledgment of your feelings is important.  So next time you’re feeling one of the 3 dialogues above running through your mind give yourself a little bit of grace and remember that the grieving process can be a bumpy road. Even as we may be grieving our losses, we may also have moments of joy. The overarching sadness doesn’t disappear but can live simultaneously and peacefully with health and even happiness. Moral of the story: you can’t always gut/muscle through a problem. You’ve got to stop, take a break, and give some care to your very human heart. Here are a few essential oils that have helped me stay in balance even when life threatened to topple me over: + Console: + Forgive: + Peace:

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